I’m publishing this today….October 1, 2014, but it was written in December 16, 2013. I’m posting it today because it’s still so true. (I sometimes write stuff down and then sit on it….)
I believe that there are misconceptions out there that your life, kids, and house must look a certain way in order to be a “good” mom, wife, person, etc. I call BOLOGNA!! Here’s my attempt at showing you what my life really looks like. It’s not perfect. It’s messy. And I would bet that there are more women out there that can relate, but are afraid to tell the world. Today I’m tearing down the curtain…
I Am Not a Perfect Mom
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you’re never doing enough?
I try to be that mom. You know that mom who has these good looking, well rounded, smart, polite kids. Those kids know their mom loves them and would fight for them in any circumstance. I’m the mom that wants her kids to know how awesome their dad is and that they should aspire to be like him. Most of all I’m the mom that wants her kids to know the Lord. To know His love and want to share it with the world. And in all that I want to be the mom that doesn’t lose herself. That’s still the woman God created me to be. For me it’s singing…God gave me the gift, I feel called to use it. I want to garden. I want to spend time with my friends and family. I want to read. I want to cook good meals and share them with our family and friends.
But I’m also that mom that wishes I could do more. Be more. Have more. Dream more. Craft more. Garden more. Cook more…..and on and on and on.
I’ll be honest. I usually have laundry piled high in the living room. My kitchen counter is always covered with mail, kid’s papers/artwork, DS games, pencils, boxes, and who knows what else. And that’s just one counter. My bathroom counter has cotton balls, toothpaste, toothbrushes, shaving cream, jewelry, pony tail holders, flat iron, and all kinds of other crap on it. It doesn’t get cleaned as much as it should – and don’t ask me how often that is because you might not want to know the answer. My dusting is behind. The beds don’t get washed as much as they should. The vacuuming….well I get around to that more than anything which still isn’t as much as some think I should. Half the time I feel lucky that I got the kids out of the house dressed, shoed, clean, and with all their “stuff” that they need for the day. And sometimes I have to run back to the school because someone forgot something.
I work full time. My husband works full time + and often the hours are weird. Most days consist of me getting done with work, go get the kids, go home, try to find something in the fridge/freezer to put together for dinner, make dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner, homework, baths, bed time routine, everyone is sleeping….and by this time mommy is ready to pass out because she’s so tired. Then I often take a look around the house, see what I can pick up or work on before I pass out (but it has to be something quiet because the kids are sleeping now), then try to get ready for bed myself only to start all over again. Sometimes daddy can be there to do the evening stuff and there’s a little more space in there for fun stuff, but I can’t count on that most of the time. And I do all of this on a tank that is empty which isn’t fun for the kids. I’m tired, short with them, frustrated that they aren’t helping, aren’t doing what I’ve asked, they’re wanting more than I can/want to give (candy, movies, computer games, etc) and then complaining (and by complaining I mean throwing holy fits) when they don’t get what they want. And this is when we don’t have anything else going on….like soccer, football, swimming, AWANA, birthday parties, etc. I basically get 2 hours with my kids on weeknights and I don’t want that time to be spent on cleaning all the time.
Then there’s the weekends. Could I spend every moment of my weekends cleaning? Sure! If I didn’t have anything else going on (like church, family gathering, something fun with the kids, etc). Or maybe I could spend my weekend trying to catch up on rest and soaking in time with my kids. And even in those moments….those choices….I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough.
I didn’t cook a meal with them.
I didn’t do some fun art project with them.
I didn’t play the game they wanted to play at the moment they wanted to play it.
I didn’t take them to the Bison game or the UND hockey game.
I didn’t do a service project with them.
We didn’t go on some fun and faraway vacation with them.
We didn’t go to the fun play place with them.
We didn’t go over letters and shapes and colors or math problems and reading.
We didn’t study our Bible verses for Awana
We probably just stayed home and tried to breathe. Tried to cuddle. Tried to keep our heads above water. I probably didn’t accomplish half of what I ever wanted to. And to be honest…I’m not sure how to get there. My house is still a mess. My kids are probably still complaining. I’m probably still exhausted. But I’m still here and I’m still trying. Some days are easier to be hopeful that I can get better at this. Some days are just hard. Today is that hard day. I am trusting for each step ahead of me today. Trusting that the One who holds my future will carry me through. Trusting that if I am walking in the light of His truth that all things will come together for good.
As I list all the things we didn’t do….here’s what I can focus on for today.
- Today my kids brushed their teeth without arguing.
- They are well rested, healthy, and in relatively good moods when they left the house (even if one of them was late for school).
I just pray that my kids love their mama despite her many imperfections.
Sincerely – an imperfect mama